Facebook: The Bane of Anyone's Existence

Sounds harsh, I know. Defining the phrase, "the bane of my existence" often refers to something as being a constant source of irritation. I thought this was completely appropriate in defining Facebook. It is something that many can't imagine living without (and can't imagine life before it) yet it is often a source of annoyance because of its addictive nature. After a week of living without it, I'm back on. I had quite a few experiences throughout the past week that I probably wouldn't have had if I had never given up Facebook. I had long phone conversations, I read a book and I did my homework without distraction. I felt like a more productive person, and sometimes it's just feeling a certain way that can create a whole lot of positive change. However, I felt like I was also missing something all week too. I was constantly worried about missing big events in my "friends" lives (I had a "friend" get married and another move to Tennessee this past week) even though I hardly talk to them. I was also worried about missing important information from my real friends. I actually did find out about a party today (Saturday) which is tonight. Apparently an event on Facebook was created a few days ago. I also missed wishing my good friend a happy birthday on Facebook (although I did remember and sent her a text).

It just seems as though we, as a society, are always plugged in with our laptops and smart phones. We never get a break from being connected and always have to be "on." Leaving Facebook for a week was a refreshing break. It put things into perspective. It made me realize that I don't need to constantly read my news feed because I'm really not missing anything important. As soon as I reactivated my account, I saw my top news and most recent (reaching into the 1000's). As I began reading down the news feed, I began to feel bored. I realized most of the posts were meaningless and I actually could be doing something better with my time other than reading pointless status updates about the weather, baseball, the Caps, job searching, the royal wedding, etc. Would I ever deactivate Facebook completely? Probably not. It is still a convenient way to organize events, talk to my long distance friends and share photos. Without Facebook, I would feel too disconnected from my social circles. I would be out of the loop on the going ons of my friends, especially since I can go a few days without talking to them, but when I do I talk about things I see them doing on Facebook (as well as other life happenings).

Facebook, of course, has a lot of issues as well. Privacy is a big issue with the over indulgence of private details by many as well as policies that make it ok for Facebook to give out your information (make sure you set your privacy policy!). Facebook makes it easy to stay connected, but it's important for ones health and sanity to disconnect for a little bit sometimes. Hard to do in the digital age, I know. One of the biggest things I learned during this project is that my biggest worry, that I would miss something important, didn't happen. Everything important that did happen, I found out about through my friends. And I also learned what actually was important to me. Something I think many tend to forget. Priorities become mixed up in the world of Facebook, and stepping away for a while allowed me to refocus my attention to my life, rather than the lives of my "friends."

I encourage all to try and step away from Facebook, whether it's just for a day, or a week or maybe even a month. Rediscover yourself and make yourself important again. It sounds silly to think that a website can have so much control over a person's life, but try and calculate how many hours a day you spend on Facebook. Once you look at this number, you'll realize just how embedded this social network site is in your daily life. And you'll probably be a little scared. I was.

Day 4

It has been four days without Facebook. The second day was pretty tough, with me wanting to check to see what was going on in people's lives all day long. Wednesday wasn't as bad. I had a chance to think about Facebook and what it actually means for people's identity and lives. I also did some research on life without Facebook and the wonderful perks without it consuming hours of time. However, hours of my time today were consumed with talking on the phone to friends I haven't talked to in a few days. But, I think that is better than spending hours on Facebook because I was actually verbally talking with my friends rather than typing short messages back and forth. We were able to have a continuous flow of conversation and hear emotion in each other's voices, which is an important aspect when communicating.
Without Facebook, I've had a lot more free time. I was able to finish a paper within a reasonable amount of time because I wasn't checking my Facebook every few paragraphs. I also started reading Jane Eyre. I should mention that I love to read. I have probably close to 100 books in my library and am always checking books out of the library. It's always hard to read for fun during the semesters because I'm always so busy with school work... or so I thought. Without Facebook taking up my time at night, I've discovered I have more time than I actually thought to do things that I enjoy. Reading is one of those things I've been able to do this week at night, and I've thoroughly enjoyed it. Without Facebook, I've become a more productive and engaging person. Which makes me wonder... if everyone spent less time on Facebook, how much more productive would our society be? How much more productive would everyone's own lives become? People always complain about not having enough time for themselves. If they spent less time on Facebook trying to keep up with the personal lives of all 400 friends, would they feel like they have more time to do what they wanted to do? Is having a Facebook more of a chore than anything? I'm beginning to think the answer to that question is a big ol'

Watch what you post...

This is just a collection of stories I found on the internet about people who have been fired because of what they posted on Facebook. It's a pretty self-explanatory way of giving a fair warning to all those who use social networking sites:

Bet you thought you had immunity from the wrath of employers at a service job... This waitress got fired for ranting about poor tippers.
http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2010/05/17/1440447/facebook-post-costs-waitress-her.html

Die hard Eagles fan (and employee) mad about the draft gets fired for voicing his disgust over a player signing to another team on Facebook.
http://moremoney.blogs.money.cnn.com/2009/04/21/fired-for-facebook-dont-let-it-happen-to-you/

Posting about sleeping in until 10am on the first day of your job as Connecticut superintendent is a sure way to get fired before you even start.
http://www.necn.com/09/16/10/Connecticut-superintendent-out-of-job-ov/landing.html?blockID=311953&feedID=4206

Patient privacy is no joke. Five California hospital employees were fired after discussing patients online.
http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/health/Hospital-Fires-Emps-in-Facebook-Scandal-95794764.html

Bikini clad girls always seem to cause trouble. Especially if they are hanging out all over your police cruiser. This cop was fired because of the photos that surfaced on Facebook involving his squad car and a bunch of almost naked girls.
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20017318-504083.html

Pervy wankers are no fun... especially when they fire you publicly. This woman known as Lindsay was fired after posting about how much she hates her job and boss because he makes her do stuff she doesn't want to do.
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-23732446-facebook-entry-that-earned-lindsay-her-p45.do

Parents can be a hassle for teachers... especially when they cause you to lose your job. Guess this teacher should have kept her real opinions of the arrogant and snobby parents to herself, or at least learned how to work the privacy setting.
http://www.thebostonchannel.com/r/24670937/detail.html

Americans are prudes. This teacher was fired after her principal saw her with beer mugs and wine in her European vacation pictures. Jealous much?
http://www.wsbtv.com/news/21586641/detail.html

And the list goes on. Fair warning to all you Facebookers and job seekers/employees out there.

Real Identity vs. Online Identity

When talking about Facebook profiles, it is important to analyze the content of that profile. Every little detail is an important part of the profile because every part of a profile helps build a person’s online identity. I say online identity rather than just identity because there is often a difference between a person’s real identity and what they post on the internet. Whether a person hides tagged pictures of themselves or de-tags the bad ones, expresses their interests, presents their relationship status or major, hides their wall, updates their status every day or plays games on Facebook, these actions all indicate the online identity.
What I’m saying is that our Facebook profiles only match a certain part of our personality and identity. It’s like going on a date. You put on nice clothes. You stop swearing for the night. You don’t talk about your crazy mother. You hide the self-help books. It's the same thing with Facebook. You can present yourself in a certain light so others perceive you to be a certain way. For example, you could be really into drinking and going out to bars but your entire profile shows a professional version of yourself. Limited pictures (and all in a business-like setting), professional interests (such as non-profits or charities) and knowledge of things you are interested in (through links posted on the wall and status updates on what is going on with certain issues). By looking at a profile like this, one wouldn't suspect a heavy drinker in their spare time.
This idea is especially important to the college aged kids and younger using Facebook. Labels still dominate lives and having the right label is extremely important. No one wants to be perceived as a loser, especially by Facebook "friends" who often consist of people from the past (and everyone wants to show they are doing better than that person they couldn't stand in high school). By typing information into the About Me boxes and designating interests and activities, a person is essentially declaring who they are (or who they want to be perceived as) to the Facebook community. Self-identification and identity crisis go hand in hand for many young users on Facebook trying to figure out who they are in real life. The online identity often helps define their real identity, rather than the other way around (which is how it should be).
In an article called "Identity construction on Facebook: Digital empowerment in anchored relationships" by Shanyang Zhao, the idea of constructed identities is elaborated on. Zhao says that in all online settings an identity is created. However, there is a difference between anonymous settings and settings such as Facebook. Anonymous settings often foster an implicit telling of someone's personality, meaning a person often just types what they believe, what they are thinking, how they feel. Basically it is a reaction based environment. In less anonymous settings, such as Facebook, a person will "show rather than tell" and it is a much more explicit environment. Zhao says a person's online identity often plays into their perception of themselves, which falls into two categories: the "now selves" and the "possible selves." The now selves are how a person is known to others while the possible self is what a person sees in their future. Their online identity often plays into their possible self and helps actualize this identity through the social media platform.
Facebook has helped changed the way people perceive others as well as how a person perceives themselves. A morphing of the line between what is real and what isn't has happened because of Facebook and the idea of a real identity and an online identity have almost become one in the same for some people.

10 Perks of Living Without Facebook

Courtesy of Drew Grant at Crushable:

1. You’d actually have to pick up the phone and talk to your friends to find out what they were doing later.
I believe Facebook has re-defined our social relationships, so I definitely believe this is one of the biggest perks of living without Facebook. Verbal communication and personal interaction has become so limited because of Facebook, and the internet in general. It's important for a person's social skills as well as communication skills to talk to friends in person, or even on the phone as opposed to just on Facebook or through text.

2. No annoying reminders of your teenage years every time someone from high school friends you.
This idea goes back to that whole "friends" versus friends idea. Do you really need to have everyone from your graduating class as a friend on Facebook? Especially when you didn't even like them in high school?

3. Employers would have to hire you based on your resume and interview alone, and only later find out what a hard-partying freak you are.
This is such an important topic. So many people are denied jobs (or fired like that teacher who had a picture of herself drinking) because of information found by employers on their Facebook.
So many people don't even realize that the stuff they post on the internet is there to stay and it's really hard to get rid of. Their employer is also guaranteed to find it if they go searchin'.

4. You wouldn’t spend half a day trying to find out how to limit your profile so your mom couldn’t see that picture of you doing shots with the entire rugby team.
Kind of relates to number 3. Why post things that you wouldn't want your parents to see? The internet is public, so why post it if you aren't proud of it?

5. MySpace would still reign supreme. Wait…that’s not a perk.
No comment on this one...

6. Your relationship status would refer to that talk you had with your significant other about the status of your relationship.
Again, this is part of that conversation about how the private has turned public. Why is it anyone's business if you're in a relationship or not? And why does being in a relationship on Facebook make it officially "official"? It took my boyfriend and I over 4 months to change our relationship status on Facebook from "single" to "in a relationship" after we had the relationship talk. We didn't really think it was necessary to alert the world to our relationship right away. Our friends knew, and that's all that mattered. We didn't need our "friends" "liking" or commenting on our private matters.

7. If you wanted to harass a dying girl, you’d have to go next door and do it to her face.
This refers to an incident where the neighbors of a 7 year old girl who was dying of Huntington's disease posted pictures of her beneath a skull and cross bones on Facebook. First of all, what the hell is the matter with these adults taunting a 7 year old girl? Second, this just shows how the internet has become a platform for many to do and say things they may not do in person. The internet has this aura of anonymity, but with Facebook, where your name is attached to everything you do, I'm not sure how these people thought they were anonymous. Or if they were even thinking?
Here's a link to find more on that story: http://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2010/10/13/Dying-girl-finds-support-after-harassment/UPI-42021286988871/

8. Mark Zuckerberg would have had to finish college.
He didn't?

9. Lying at your 10-year reunion would be so much easier. (“Why yes, I am married to a supermodel and own my own helicopter.”)
Totally true. Can't really fake anything because of Facebook. Your information is out there... unless you fake the supermodel thing on Facebook. Which you totally can... because Facebook is only an extension of your personality and doesn't really depict who you are. Just who you want people to perceive you as. Confusing, right? More on that later.

10. Aaron Sorkin would have no reason to be so goddamn smug.
He made a lot of money...

Here's the link to the list and article:

http://crushable.com/other-stuff/10-perks-of-living-in-a-world-without-facebook/

And the cravings begin...

I’ve never been addicted to any type of substance. Never a smoker. A social drinker. No recreational drug habits. My addictions often take form in my obsessive compulsive nature. I make lists on post-it notes. Walk into my room and you will see 10 or so post-its hanging up on my desk. They are in my purse. They are kind of everywhere. I’m addicted to being organized. I get a little antsy if I don’t have a list going. Kind of like withdrawal. I imagine going through withdrawal from a substance such as heroin or even cigarettes (as I’ve witnessed the crankiness first hand many times) is not a pleasant one. I never thought the withdrawal from Facebook would be similar. Seriously! Here’s a quick and dirty break down of my Tuesday:

8am- Wake Up
8:03am- First urge to check Facebook (it’s now been over 24 hours without it)
8:05am- Breakfast
8:30am- Second urge to check Facebook (I’m beginning to wonder what I’m missing, even though I’ve rationally thought out the fact that I’m not missing anything)
Fast Forward…….
11:34am- In my first class of the day… wanting to check Facebook
11:48am- My boyfriend asks if I saw his clever status on Facebook (seriously! Mind of a goldfish because he forgot I gave it up for the week)
11:55am- Still waiting to hear this clever status
1pm- Sitting in my media class… Facebook comes up in discussion (ugh!)
Fast Forward…….
5:15pm- Done class for the day. Had a lot of urges to check Facebook.
7pm- Trying to do homework. Instead, surfing the internet. Hit the Facebook tab four times.
7:08pm- Took Facebook tab off bookmarks bar
7:15pm- Cleaning
Fast Forward……
9pm- Going to bed (yes, that says 9pm for bed… I am an old lady)
9:05pm- Still wondering what’s going on on Facebook (it’s been 48 hours now)

There were several times throughout the day when I thought about reactivating my account just to make sure nothing important had happened. I was literally typing my password into Facebook before I stopped myself. The worst was getting the texts from my boyfriend and then my one friend, Meg, (who I previously posted about) asking me where the heck I went (she’s a long distance friend) and if I was ok.
While I was googling life without Facebook, I came across a blog that did a similar break down of a day without Facebook (although the author went much more into depth about her activities). Check it out: http://fragileheart.com/living-without-facebook-a-log/
The author of that blog mentioned a good point about the way events are organized in the age of Facebook. She said that Facebook has become the primary way events are organized, rather than texting, mailing or phoning about the information. This makes it very easy for someone to be out of the loop on what’s going on if they don’t have Facebook. And another reason for my frustration!! I have a group of friends I met my freshmen year of college and we go out to sushi on the study day at the end of every semester. The event has been organized on Facebook, but apparently new information was sent out with some questions about where to go for our last one, bringing significant others, etc. None of which I knew until I got a text asking where I went and what my opinion was. I quickly realized that while talking on the phone and texting is great for a one on one conversation, Facebook events are even better for communicating with a larger group. Score one for Facebook…

Keep your friends close, and your... "friends" closer?

It has been 24 hours since I’ve deactivated my Facebook account. My morning started off as any other morning. I hardly ever check my account as soon as I wake up, so nothing was out of the ordinary. However, once I got to work for my seven hour shift at the library (primarily a desk job), I realized I couldn’t do my usual routine of checking my email and Facebook. I soon felt as though the day was going to be very long and isolated. Even though I spend more time on Facebook when I’m out work since I’m already on the computer, I don’t necessarily do anything extra. I just kind of keep up with my news feed and what is going on throughout the day. Without this distraction, I realized work might be a lot longer. After getting over the initial feeling of antsiness (is that a word?), I started to forget about the fact that I wasn’t on Facebook. I got more done at work and was able to fill the time I would have spent on Facebook doing homework and reading the news. I realized that I might not have access to see what my “friends” were doing on Facebook, but did I really care? Why fill my head with their personal details when I can’t even keep my own straight?
I began thinking about this concept of “friends” on Facebook. I have some friends who have close to 1000 friends while others have less than 100. One of my closest friends, Megan has 695 “friends” while my other close friend, Meg, has only 88. Meg’s friend list seems more reasonable than Megan’s list, which prompted me to talk to both of them. I asked them both the same question. How many of your Facebook friends do you actually talk to. Meg said she talks to about 20 of them regularly. The rest, she said, she talks to occasionally or for certain reasons. For example, she is friends with relatives but doesn’t talk to them all that often or even on Facebook. So, again, she talks to 20 people regularly. This really got me thinking about the 695 “friends” Megan had on her list. I asked her if she talked to or even knew all of her “friends.” She said that she had at least met everyone once in her life, but only talked to a very small number of people on her “friends” list. I asked her what was the point of keeping all of these people as friends if she doesn’t talk to any of them. Her response was that she felt bad deleting people once they were Facebook friends. She elaborated and told me that she doesn’t really look at a lot of people’s profiles, especially the ones she has only met once or twice in her life. Out of 695 friends, she said she mostly talks to the same few people and looks at the same profiles.
This seems consistent with the idea of Dunbar’s number which was created by anthropologist, Robin Dunbar, and says that your brain has a cognitive limit on the number of friends you can have. That number is 150. Dunbar said you can have over 1,000 friends on Facebook, but internet traffic indicates that person goes to the same, limited profiles over and over again. This article, http://mashable.com/2010/01/25/brain-facebook-friends/, goes into more detail about Dunbar’s number and how people only have the ability of maintaining a certain number of friendships.
As someone who recently deleted about 300 friends from Facebook, I can say that I feel much better. I don’t miss the personal details from people I don’t care about on my newsfeed and I feel like my Facebook, in a way, has become more exclusive to me again.

Leaving Facebook

I made the decision to leave Facebook for a week. Cold turkey. Insanity. I’m doing it for a project about Facebook. I wanted to see how difficult different life would be. My Facebook life isn’t completely out of control. I check it every day, a few times throughout the day (some days more than others). Sometimes I comment on things, and sometimes I just lurk around. I mostly use it to keep in touch with my long distance friends and relatives. It’s not as though Facebook is my end all be all. I’m not friends with everyone I graduated from high school with or my cousin’s boyfriend. I recently went through and deleted about 300 people that I hadn’t talked to in awhile and didn’t anticipate talking to in the near future. I de-tagged some pictures, deleted some notes and photo albums and limited my interests to one or two. I also made it hard for anyone to search for me by eliminating myself from the public search option.
So, why leave Facebook for a project in the first place? The class I’m taking, Media Ecology, has emphasized media and social networking technologies. I’ve realized how important Facebook is for so many people (more than 5 million active users) and how much of their daily life is devoted to their account (700 billion minutes per month, approximately 23 billion minutes per day!). So much times is being used to update statuses, upload pictures, add friends, write messages and read through the news feed that I began to wonder what the point was. Why is it so important for us to stay connected to people we barely know or care about? What could we be doing instead of spending time on Facebook? Has Facebook become the only way to stay connected?
My biggest concern about leaving Facebook is missing something important. It seems most of the parties and events I go to are found out about through this social media network. I, of course, get texts from my friends asking if I’m going on the day or night of, but without Facebook, I would have no idea what they were even talking about. I don’t want to miss break ups, hook ups, weddings, baby pictures, big moves, job offers and everything in between from my “friends.” Which again brings me to this idea that if something were really important, shouldn’t I get a phone call? Are my Facebook “friends” really my friends and should I really care about their personal lives? And why do I care about their personal lives?
It seems that the farther I get into thinking about the point of Facebook and life with it, the more questions I have about the reason it exists and why there are so many people who spend so much time caring about a website. This blog is going to detail my week without it, as well as try to address a few of the questions I’ve asked in this first entry. I truly think too much time is spent on Facebook (I’m just as guilty as anyone else) when it could be spent doing other, more productive and engaging things (I’ll get into more detail in a later entry). While I’m not the biggest fan of the website, I think I might have a harder time going without it for a week than I originally thought. So wish me luck!